This was not something I was originally going to write about. I was thinking about writing something related to trusting God when you’re going through a health thing, especially since both Sam and myself have been through some sort of health thing recently and in the last few years. I might still write about that subject, but this one has been on my mind for about a week, so I figured I should probably write about it.
It’s a hard subject for me to write about because I don’t have a large community to lean on. In fact, I can count the number of people on both my hands and that’s majority family. I’m not an easy person to get to know because I have some trust issues. I don’t really want to talk about myself to other people. I would much rather listen to someone tell me about themselves than to have them listen to me talk about myself. And the last few years have solidified that a little more for me because I didn’t have a ton of people to turn to, and the ones I did turn to didn’t help.
I mentioned a health thing I’ve gone through recently. I’ve had stomach issues pretty much my whole life and it really acted up the last month. I’m doing better and I believe I’ve narrowed it down to what I can do to help my body do its God-given ability to heal itself. But I didn’t reach out to anyone besides my parents and siblings for help on this. At the same time I’m having a hard time getting out of bed, my mother-in-law is also having a hard time getting out of her chair because of major knee surgery. We’re down two people in the household of four. The men folk were awesome and helped us with whatever we needed.
And then we had someone show up to our door with dinner on one of these days. They had had no idea I was sick until that day and they wanted to make sure dinner was easy for a few days for us. And then they told me, about a week later, “let me know when you’re sick so I can help you.” It was one of the sweetest things I had ever been told. This person knows how Sam’s POTS works and knows sometimes he’s down and can’t help with things. That’s been less recently and he’s been able to do a lot more, including taking care of me when I was sick. Because marriage isn’t 50/50 (but that’s another post for another day).
The thing is, I believed this person when they told me to get a hold of them. I still hesitate to want to reach out to people just because of past history, but I feel like I could absolutely reach out to this person and they would show up with whatever I needed. I have a few other people I can reach out to when I’m feeling down and need encouragement. They’re few and far between, but I’m slowly allowing people back into my life who are going to be there for me and mine.
I know this sounds really easy, but I also know it’s not. I’m someone who doesn’t want to feel like a burden to someone else, so I’m less likely to reach out to someone who isn’t family. And even with family I sometimes have a hard time reaching out because I know they’re going through their own stuff. But God didn’t create us to live life without others. You’re supposed to be able to find your community somewhere, people who you know will show up for you. And in reality, I know that’s not always the case.
Maybe you’re in a place where it’s really hard to reach out to someone who isn’t family. That’s okay. I was there, am still kinda there. But I would encourage you to reach out to someone who you have a good feeling about and begin to build that relationship with them. It’s going to be slow going, it still is for me, but we have to be able to have people in our lives we can rely on.
But, Taimie, I don’t know where to start. Church. I know, I know, that’s where some people have trust issues. I get it, I do. But pray that the Lord would bring you someone to talk to, who is there for you in the little things so they can be there for you in the big things. Maybe it’s somebody from work. I know we don’t always get along with our coworkers, but maybe there’s someone there who you connect with and maybe can start trusting. Maybe it’s a classmate, or a friend from a long time ago you’re thinking about reaching out to. Reach out because you never know what’s going to happen. Pray for the Lord to bring you someone. That’s where I started.
I hope this encourages you. I’ve been in the seat of not having anyone outside of family to listen to me cry and pray with me. Those are some of the best people to have by your side. But sometimes we need more than just family to encourage us, to pray with us, to sit with us while we have coffee. I’m still finding my people and I hope this encourages you to pray to start finding yours.
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