Life is Funny
Life is funny. Here I am at 32 years old, trying to figure out how to adult without certain responsibilities, and I have way more energy than I feel like I’ve had in a long time. I have all the plans going through my head of all the things I want to do and my body is stirring to get a move on.
My in-laws, my husband, and I recently had to say goodbye to the sweet pup above. Although we all miss her dearly, she was a hard dog and we couldn’t really leave her alone for long periods of time. Now that she’s gone, we’re all finding ourselves out of the house more without much interaction.
It’s funny. We talked about how this day would come and how we wouldn’t have much in the way of communicating when we were leaving the house, and now that it’s here, it’s a weird feeling. My husband, Sam, wanted to go on a walk after dinner earlier this week, so we went. Just like that. We were gone for over two hours without a worry about when we were going to be back.
I, myself, am finding that I want to go out and do the things. Be away from the house. But Sam has had a POTS flare up since we went on that walk and I’ve been doing things around the house. Today I decided I sign up to do Uber Eats. I make enough money that all our bills are paid, but sometimes it’s nice to just have that extra. So I went out. And made money and didn’t worry about when I needed to be home.
Life is funny like that. Two things can be true at once: missing the pup dearly and enjoying the newfound freedom of not needing to be home. Sometimes I feel guilty about that feeling, but Claire was so hard and there was so much responsibility surrounding her that it almost feels like a deep breath. I feel like, between the newfound freedom and Sam having more good days now that’s it’s warm, I’m living again. I’m relearning what it looks like to be an adult and do the things I want to do on my own timeline.
I do miss Claire, don’t get me wrong. There’s just something about not having someone or something waiting for you to be home all the time that’s so different. It’s only been a short time, and I know there will be days when the ache is too much, but for now it’s okay.
Life is funny, isn’t it?